Are boyfriends embarrassing? - Today, Explained Recap

Podcast: Today, Explained

Published: 2026-01-02

Duration: 28 minutes

Guests: Shantae Joseph, Jane Ward

Summary

The episode explores the idea that having a boyfriend might be considered embarrassing in modern society, particularly due to social media dynamics and shifting cultural norms regarding heterosexual relationships.

What Happened

The episode kicks off with an exploration of a viral British Vogue article titled 'Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing?' written by Shantae Joseph. The article questions whether having a boyfriend still provides social standing for women, especially in the context of social media where women sometimes hide their partners' identities in posts.

Shantae Joseph identifies three reasons why women might choose not to showcase their relationships online: privacy concerns, the potential embarrassment if the relationship ends, and the notion that a boyfriend might not align with a woman's personal brand. She notes that there's a cultural shift where being in a heterosexual relationship can feel outdated or politically conservative.

The episode delves into how straight relationships are perceived as politically inclined, with some women feeling that having a boyfriend aligns them with traditional, conservative values. This perception is linked to the rise of movements like 'trad wives,' which romanticize traditional gender roles.

Shantae Joseph discusses the backlash she received after her article, noting that while some women felt liberated by the ideas presented, others saw it as an attack on their personal choices. She highlights the misogyny and racism she faced, particularly from men who felt threatened by her critique of heterosexual dynamics.

The conversation shifts to the changing landscape of how relationships are discussed online. Joseph notes that social media platforms have become spaces where people openly share negative experiences in relationships, breaking the illusion of romantic perfection.

The discussion then turns to Professor Jane Ward's book 'The Tragedy of Heterosexuality,' which explores the inherent contradictions in modern heterosexual relationships. Ward argues that while these relationships are supposed to be based on mutual respect, they are often still rooted in misogyny and traditional gender roles.

The episode concludes with a discussion on potential solutions to the issues plaguing heterosexual relationships. Jane Ward suggests that embracing feminism could be key, urging men to engage with feminist ideas to create more equitable partnerships.

Key Insights

• The perception of heterosexual relationships is shifting, with some women viewing them as politically conservative due to associations with traditional gender roles and movements like 'trad wives.'
• Privacy, potential embarrassment from breakups, and brand alignment are key reasons women may choose not to showcase their relationships on social media.
• Social media has become a platform for sharing negative experiences in relationships, challenging the traditional portrayal of romantic perfection.
• Embracing feminism and encouraging men to engage with feminist ideas are suggested strategies for creating more equitable heterosexual relationships.