How to Regulate Your Emotions and Mental Chatter When Bad Things Happen | Maya Shankar - Ten Percent Happier Recap

Podcast: Ten Percent Happier

Published: 2026-01-28

Duration: 1 hr 6 min

Guests: Maya Shankar

Summary

Maya Shankar delves into the science of change, offering practical strategies to manage emotions and mental chatter during life's unexpected events. She discusses cognitive biases, the importance of identity, and tools like affect labeling and cognitive reappraisal to navigate personal growth.

What Happened

Maya Shankar, a cognitive scientist and podcast creator, explores the profound effects of change and how to manage it effectively. Her interest in this area was sparked by two significant life events: a career-ending injury as a violinist and difficulties in starting a family. These experiences led her to study and teach techniques for navigating change without crisis.

Shankar emphasizes the importance of anchoring one's identity to the 'why' rather than the 'what', advocating for self-affirmation exercises to maintain a stable self-concept during transitions. This approach helps individuals build a more expansive sense of self that remains intact even when life takes unexpected turns.

She introduces cognitive biases such as the 'illusion of control' and the 'end of history illusion', which often skew our perception of change and personal growth. Shankar argues that recognizing these biases can help mitigate stress and foster a more accurate understanding of potential personal development.

The episode also highlights the utility of distraction and denial as tools for coping with negative events. While often seen negatively, Shankar suggests that these can provide short-term relief and allow individuals to handle only what they can manage at a given time.

To combat rumination, Shankar recommends techniques like affect labeling, which involves naming negative emotions to reduce their intensity, and cognitive reappraisal, which involves reinterpreting situations to alter their emotional impact. She also points out the benefits of mental time travel to contextualize present challenges and experiencing awe to reduce self-focus.

Shankar shares personal insights from her journey, discussing how exploring alternative paths like adoption and surrogacy shifted her perspective on identity and fulfillment. This journey of change led her to a place of gratitude and liberation, as she learned to detach from tightly held identities and embrace a more flexible self-concept.

Key Insights