The case for spending more time with your friends | Rhaina Cohen - TED Talks Daily Recap

Podcast: TED Talks Daily

Published: 2025-12-20

Duration: 48 minutes

Guests: Rhaina Cohen

Summary

Rhaina Cohen argues that friendships are not just ancillary but essential to well-being and happiness, challenging the societal hierarchy that places romantic relationships above platonic ones. She emphasizes the importance of intentional friendships and the potential policy changes needed to support them.

What Happened

Rhaina Cohen, journalist and author of 'The Other Significant Others', challenges the conventional prioritization of romantic and biological relationships over friendships. She argues that friendships can be just as significant and fulfilling when nurtured with intention and commitment. Historically, friendships like Sworn Brotherhood were recognized formally, suggesting that such bonds could carry similar weight to family or romantic ties.

Cohen highlights various factors limiting deep friendships, such as societal norms and expectations that friendships remain non-committal and less intense emotionally. She suggests that spending more time together, being vulnerable, and considering proximity to friends can enhance these bonds. Social gatherings and parties where people bring unknown friends can also expand social circles.

Legal and workplace policies often overlook platonic relationships, offering support like family leave only for romantic or biological connections. Cohen notes that some places, like Minnesota, have begun to include platonic relationships in their definitions for benefits like family leave, and she advocates for legal alternatives that recognize non-romantic relationships.

The rise of technology offers mixed blessings for friendships. While it can help maintain connections, Cohen warns it might simplify or diminish the perceived effort needed for genuine relationships. In-person interactions remain crucial for authentic connections due to the richness of non-verbal communication.

Cohen shares personal traditions like celebrating Sinterklaas with friends to broaden the sense of family beyond biological ties, especially during the holiday season. Such traditions can combat loneliness and create a sense of belonging.

Friendships can act as a safety net when life takes unexpected turns, complementing romantic relationships and enriching life experiences. Cohen argues that fostering and recognizing friendships can lead to more content individuals and supportive communities.

Key Insights

• Historically, formalized friendships such as Sworn Brotherhood were recognized with significant weight, comparable to family or romantic ties, indicating the potential depth of platonic relationships.
• Minnesota has begun to include platonic relationships in the definitions for benefits like family leave, acknowledging the importance of non-romantic connections in legal and workplace policies.
• Technology's role in friendships is dual-edged; while it maintains connections, it may also diminish the perceived effort needed for genuine relationships, highlighting the importance of in-person interactions for authentic communication.
• Celebrating non-traditional holidays like Sinterklaas with friends can expand the sense of family beyond biological ties, offering a strategy to combat loneliness and foster belonging during the holiday season.